


Save Us

by Aira_Loves_Herself



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Manager, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Huang Ren Jun-centric, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Lee Jeno-centric, M/M, Na Jaemin-centric, Park Jisung (NCT)-centric, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Trauma, Underage Rape/Non-con, Zhong Chen Le-centric, damaged dreamies, lol i love them but, tragic ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2019-10-24 10:03:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17702279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aira_Loves_Herself/pseuds/Aira_Loves_Herself
Summary: He let his tears accompany him again tonight, maybe it’ll help distract him, get him to pretend he didn’t hear anything. But how can he? How is he supposed to pretend?_Or that fic where Dreamies suffer cuz of abusive managers.......with a twist endingDon't like, don't read





	1. Day 42/Day 1

The ticking of the clock continues to echoes the walls of the dorm belonging to the Dreamies.

Jisung lays on his bed, body tangled in a mess of blankets as he shut his ears tightly. Wishing it would at least made him deaf to the horrible sounds around him.

His body ached with exhaustion and pain from all the abuse.

He let his tears accompany him again tonight, maybe it’ll help distract him, get him to pretend he didn’t hear anything.

But how can he? How is he supposed to pretend?

Even in the dark night, he could hear a mumbling chant, almost like a mantra from Chenle who was all curled up on the top part of the bunk bed.

He can’t see him, but he knows the younger is all hunched up with headphones in his ear blasting the same song over and over again with his hands gripping on a piece of paper containing the lyrics.  

He’s not next to him, but he could vividly feel the panic and tremor radiating off the boy. It rises with each mistake he made, and he could tell the boy’s lips are bleeding from biting on it too much.

Even in his and Chenle’s room, he could hear the thumping footsteps in the next room, how Jaemin is doing all he can to perfect their newest most difficult dance despite only learning it three days ago. How the older is sweating and panting with the lack of rest.

All so he could protect what was already harmed.

Even with ears pressed tight, he could hear Haechan’s gaging in the toilet. How his hyung had been throwing up everything and anything he eats because ‘it’s for the team’ till he’s much like a bony skeleton, small and weak.

The shine he once had died.

Even if the walls aren’t paper thin, he could distinctly hear the sound of metal cutting against skin. How blood oozes out with each stroke. Renjun’s pants are also distinguished, he could hear his currently eldest hyung crying in frustration as the barcodes covered his already bruised arms and legs.

Even with his thoughts running, he could hear the whimpers and painful moans, the begging of his hyung in the other room. “Pl-please…..no m-more…s-st-stop…”

He hadn’t had the slightest idea why? Why should he be violated and tortured to the brink of insanity to protect him from the same fate.

Jeno always takes the most damage.

When without them knowing, he was already damaged just as they are. The sick memory itself can make him want to vomit out blood and even now he could still feel those fifthly hands touching him, stealing his innocence.

Jisung wants to cry, and let all the pain flow away with his tears. But he can’t, not when Chenle is constantly getting panic attacks, not when Jaemin faints during every practice, not when Haechan is killing himself with his developing eating disorder, and not when Jeno or any other of them is getting raped almost every night.

It’s their own disgusting cycle of a routine, get up, go to the company, beaten and punished for every mistake, fake for the cameras, fake for the hyungs, more practice and endless beating, more faking, go home, and rot themselves to the point to no return.

_

“Guys these are your new managers, Jikyun, Geomjal, Hyulsik hyungnim. Behave okay?” Taeyong had said, introducing them to three men. They each had a smile on their faces, they seem friendly, the Dreamies bowed politely at them.

As soon as Taeyong leaves, every bit of the friendliness feeling vanished. “Okay boys, since we’re your manager, you’ll be going by our rules, any snitching and we won’t hurt you but your other bandmate, most likely little Jisungie here”

The Dreamies feels horror brewing within them, it was only a week after Mark left the unit. They huddle around the maknae, even though they fear for themselves. Hyulsik glared, “Quit the dwelling and start your practice you brats!”

It was plain torture from Day 1

“Your foot is out of place!”

*SMACK*

“Faster!”

*SMACK*

“You’re all fucking teenagers, don’t be such a weakling!”

And Jikyun kicks Jaemin, the boy clutching his abdomen on the floor as the tears spills. Chenle’s hands shake as he did 200 pushups and Haechan just had about enough of the madness.

“Enough!! You’re all just torturing us!!” and with that Geomjal walks towards him, grabs Haechan ad throws the younger against the cold wall.

“Hyu-hyung!!” Jisung cries out and rush for him but Hyulsik got a hold of him

“This is what happens when you try to be the hero” he pins Jisung to the wall and slide his hands under the maknae’s shirt, letting his hands touch every inch of Jisung’s chest. Jisung screams and cries.

“Jisung!!” Jeno and Renjun fling themselves in anger at Hyulsik but the other two stopped them, giving each a punch and a few kicks. Chenle could only shuts his ears and scream in incoherent Chinese

 _“Ge!!! KUN GE!!! TAEYONG GE!!!! ANYONE!! PLEASE HELP US!!!”_ until Geomjal slaps him to shut up.

“STOP!! PLEASE!!!” Jaemin cried, trying to fight his way to help any of his bandmates but he can’t.

“You’ve all probably learned enough today, Haechan don’t be late for your 127 practice that starts in 15 minutes” Hyulsik says, letting Jisung go and the maknae hugs himself to calm down.

Haechan didn’t respond. “Answer me when I talk to you!” He kicks the younger on his thigh

“Unless, you want me to do more to Jisung?”

This got him shooting up his head to look at the manager, his eyes blurring with tears. “No no no no, I beg you. I’m going!”

He drags himself to stand, it pained the other Dreamies to see this. He groans with each movement, the pain shaking his entire body. Haechan limps out of the door

“He’s limping, he can’t go. Please” Jaemin reasoned.

“Did I heard talking back? Jisungie your hyungs really don’t care about you” every other Dreamies scramble up in ache and pain to Jisung. Protectively hugging the younger, “No, No, we’re good”

Haechan makes a quick trip to the bathroom and change into a spare shirt he brought, no way he’s showing up in the hyung’s faces in the state he’s in now. There’s even a bit of blood. He enters the 127 practice room with a smile forced on his lips.

“How were the new manager hyungnims?”

“Awesome”


	2. Day 3

The week was absolutely hellish, Renjun can’t even count the number of scars or how many kinds littered his body. The three brutes use all sorts of things, sometimes a cane or a bottle, sometimes a clothing hanger while if they’re lucky they would just slap, punch or kick them.

For every mistake, lands a new wound, a new scar and for any act or sign of rebellion and snitching, Jisung is the victim.

It was cruel, whenever they wanted to fight for themselves of another member there’ll be _that threat_.

It’s only one word, _one name_ , but it’s enough to get them back down and grovel at their managers’ feet.

**_“Jisung”_ **

It’s not like they left him alone, ironically, he was their favorite to pick on. Even if he was half a second faster or slower, there’ll be a bottle to his shoulder or cane to his thigh. Or he stumbles over a word in his raps or couldn’t sing a part properly, there’ll be hair being tugged and head flicking.

But they know, they have to protect the maknae from the worst. The image from their first day with the managers, Jisung’s helpless screams as the man touched him.

They can’t let it get to that again.

That Wednesday, was very much eventful. They had arrived back at the dorms in the late of night, weak and body throbbing from the abuse.

Renjun as always, went to check on everyone, he’s the oldest after all.

Despite his own pain, he goes to each Dreamie, helps them rid of their clothes, and carefully tends to each wound, all the while with a fake smile and meaningless words of ‘it’ll get better’ and ‘it’ll be over soon’.

He would have to endure Chenle’s panic attacks during these moments.

Get Jaemin to sit down for one minute because he was too afraid that he’s still getting a certain move wrong.

Listen to Jisung’s broken sobs and endless “I’m sorry”s

Help Haechan into bed because his body couldn’t sit up on his own anymore, being in two active units on top of abuse is draining.

Force Jeno’s door open because boy thinks he can bottle things up to himself, not on Renjun’s watch.

It was something he did for them, “Let it all out, just say it all out, I’ll listen”

Emotional stress is very dangerous, Renjun knows and that is why every night as he tends to them.

He gets them to spill every bit of anger, sadness or anything that needed to be taken off their minds.

Yes, it hurts him, jabs him in the core of his heart hearing their hopeless rants of frustration and pain.

Yes, it breaks him seeing all he could do was put already broken pieces together rather than preventing it.

Yes, he does it all for them because Dreamies are his everything.

But who’s doing it for him? _No one_

But he’s the oldest and they’re counting on him.

Finally done with all five of them, Renjun settles in the bathroom. Lifting up his shirt to reveal his own array of blue and red, it’s only been days, a week has yet to gone by. But the unwanted colors blossoms and blooms about on his body, he could still feel the hit of the cane to his skin.

It was aching, paining and he wants it to just stop. It was all he could feel, pain, pain, pain and more pain. If it’s not his then it’s the others.

Nothing but continuous aching pain that shakes his whole being like an earthquake.

Renjun grip on the sink till his knuckles are turning blue, he wants it to stop, needs it to stop. Hand flinging open the first aid kid and pulling out a pair of scissors. Without thinking, he gashes a few strokes on his thighs, blood seeping out like Jisung’s crying tears.

Instead of pain, there was relief, the Chinese lets out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. He was breathing, finally, he could breathe, Renjun stares at the mess he made, the blood already dropping on the bathroom tiles.

He sat on the toilet, and watched.

He watches as his blood continues to drip, slicing a bit more because it felt so good, he couldn’t feel the pain of being hit or slapped. He wonders if the others would barge in on him like this, but they won’t, Renjun knows they won’t.

They’re caught up in their own web of thoughts, besides no one would ever think he would go and do this.

So, he’s just sitting there, watching as his red blood that’s supposed to be inside his body covers the floor.

Maybe if he’s lucky, he could die then and there.

But unfortunately, he wasn’t, had he ever been lucky to be begin with?

Maybe he had used up all his luck to have these boys around him, even if it kills him.

Renjun weakly stands, the blood had stopped bleeding out and he’s feeling faint and numb. Just how he wants. He all but slowly cleans every bit of the mess away, and carefully tends the wound he inflicted on himself.

A while later he limps out of the bathroom and to his shared room with Jeno. Seeing a bump on the top bunk, he assumes Jeno is asleep, he nearly missed the other figure in the dark on his own bed in the lower bunk.

“Hyuck…..what are you doing here?” he was asleep? When did he wake up?

The slightly tanned male continues to stare, but Renjun can’t read the emotion that’s being displayed. Renjun makes his way and sits on the bed, Donghyuck make no signs to leave.

“Do you want to sleep with me?”

The younger shifts his gaze to the bits of white bandage slightly exposed because of Renjun’s short pants. He places his hand on it, feeling the wrapped bandaged under the thin fabric, he’s been there, a long time ago.

He knows

“You cut” it came out almost like a whisper, broken and strained.

Renjun wasn’t even surprised, he already planned out on not hiding anyway. “Why Junnie? You made me promise that I won’t ever do it ever again……doesn’t mean you can start idiot……”

“I don’t know, but I guess I am an idiot. We all are, at this rate aren’t we? A big bunch of idiots” he laughs, maybe sadistically even.  

“You remember what Mark hyung said?” Haechan asks, pulling Renjun to lay next to him.

Renjun nearly sobs, he wished Mark was here, then he could go to him to cry and rant and he doesn’t need to play this oldest role. But he’s thankful he isn’t, Mark shouldn’t be a part of this hell they’re going through, he doesn’t deserve this suffering, mark’s too good for that.

“Every word” and he means it.

“That we’ll be amazing and do even better even if he’s not here with us anymore?”

Renjun sobs for the first time since the first day the torture starts.

He never cried, not when the managers punished him, not when he sees others getting hurt, not when he treats their wounds, not when he hurts himself because the tears never came, until that moment.

“If only he knew huh? But I guess we can’t let him know we failed him, epically too” that was the last thing he heard before he feels the slightly younger male drift into sleep, a hand still on his bandaged thigh. 

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him”


	3. Day 16

Jeno shivers when the cold air hits his skin, he wasn’t anywhere he shouldn’t be. Just outside the dorms, looking out to the sky from the apartment corridors. It wasn’t like he dared to even go any further, if he wanted to follow his heart.

He would’ve taken all of them and ran, to someplace far and safe from the nightmare they’re in.

“Jeno? What are you doing out here?” Jeno tenses, Dooyoung.

“Nothing, needed a bit of fresh air” or more like getting a break from hearing the crying and panicking in the dorm

What day was it? Thursday.

“So polluted city air is your fresh air?” maybe, it was better than being in there where he’ll never escape their painful suffering.

Dooyoung walks over to stand next to him, “Hey, what’s wrong?” his hyung was so gentle, almost as if he’s approaching an injured animal.

But Jeno is beyond injured, he’s shattered, no fixing will get him back to the way he was before.

Jaemin’s screams still echoes in his head, he didn’t want to be with them at the moment because he feels so…...helpless. He feels that he should be doing something, anything to get them out of this mess somehow.

“The usual idol struggles hyung….” He tried smiling, his whole body ached.

What time was it? 12 midnight?

_“Jeno it’s okay!! Hyung I’m trying!! I’ll get it right!!! P-Please don’t do this to him!! I’ll get it right, Jeno I swear it’s okay!!! I’ll get it right!!”_

“But I’m good”

_

Jeno flinched when a bottle came in contact with Jaemin’s head, the rest kept dancing with him. Tears long dried, they’ve got no more tears to shed. Jaemin is struggling with the new tight choreography, he’s been practicing every minute of his life but still couldn’t land on that one part.

“Jeno hy-hyung do so-something!” Chenle squeaks, but Geomjal heard and smacks the Chinese shoulder hard. “You think he can help? Why of course! Stop the music”

Haechan collapse, his body giving out completely, the vocalist laid on the floor as he pants for air. “He hadn’t been eating….” Jisung muttered.

“Stand over there, you too get the fuck up!” Hyulsik kicks him, but the boy has no energy spared to react to it.

Chenle and Jisung helps him up, but the vocalist himself is somewhere between conscious and unconscious, eyes only dazedly looking around, trying to make sense of things.

Jeno and Jaemin are told to be in the center of the room.

“Jaemin, Dance” and so Jaemin did the part, and like the past 2 hours. He can’t get it get right, and tripped instead.

The other Dreamies watched, but the torture has yet to start. Geomjal and Jikyun smirks.

“Jeno, hit him”

There were few collective gasps, Jeno’s eyes nailed to the three demons that were supposedly their managers. “W-What?”

“It’s obvious our punishments aren’t helping him, since you’re second best after Jisung, maybe a strike or two from you might help him” Jikyun says without the slightest sense of humane in his voice. His being crave for the pain of these young minds, it excites him.

Donghyuck woke the fuck up hearing that, but his body still limp and weak.

"N-No….” it came out like a whisper, and only the two holding him up could hear it. “Too far, that’s too far” Renjun chants in Chinese.

Jeno looked at the male slightly younger than him, his long sleeve sweater soaked in sweat and tears. But he smiled, “It’s okay Jeno, I won’t be mad” how the fuck can he do it?!

“I won’t, I’ll never” his voice wavers, but tried to keep his firmness. “Then Jisungie, would you do the honors then? Give your hyung here a punch or a kick” Jisung feels like he’s about to pass out, the fear overwhelming him.

“Do it or you’re the one getting it” Hyulsik dragging the youngest by his hair, pushing him at Jaemin.

“Please, a-anything but this. Please do-don’t make us do t-this” Chenle begged, only to be slapped. “I didn’t say you can talk brat” Geomjal snarled. Jaemin pleaded to the other, “Please Jen, don’t let them do this to Sungie. Protect Jisung Lee Jeno”

“I’ll do it”

Jeno wasn’t sure if that’s his own voice saying it. But seconds later, he can’t believe it was his hand that hit Jaemin on his shoulder.

“Again, that was weak. Do it right or he’ll keep getting it” Jisung, who walked back to the side can hardly contain his tears, not that he tries, maybe there were more to shed.

Jeno bit his lip, eyes closed shut as he hit the other. And so Haechan, who gathered just enough energy to hug the two maknaes close along with Renjun.

“Make it stop hyung, please” Jisung begged, but what can they do? They were still puppets with strings.

_

Jaemin is asleep, he at least knew that. Unlike him, not a wink since three days ago when that happened. Dooyoung left a bit while ago, Jeno sighs. With arms wrapped around his body frame, he enters the dorm. Renjun was on the sofa, staring at the blank tv.

“Why aren’t you asleep?’

“I don’t go to sleep until everyone else does, and you haven’t for far too long” Well, can’t blame him that freaking Insomia is a bitch, “You know I hate it when you do it right? That the maknaes knew and are worried too right?”

Renjun looks at him, everything he once was is gone. “Then why don’t you stop me?”

Jeno stood there, his mind searched for an answer.

“I don’t know”

Because how do you stop someone from destroying themselves when you’re somewhat doing the same?

“Why Hyuck isn’t eating?”

Jeno felt like he knew, but his mind is packed and he couldn’t find the memory tucked so deep in. “I bet they did that too, it’s not fair. They’re killing him”

“They’re killing us”

He corrected the Chinese. “Come on lets go to bed already” he’s sure he can’t sleep, no matter how how he tried or tired he was, sleep never comes, not when he knew he hurt his bandmates taht he swore to protect.

But it’s best he didn’t stress the eldest any further. It was 3 in the morning anyway.

Renjun leads him to their room, Jeno eyes the boy in Renjun’s bunk. “Let him, here drink this. It’ll help” Renjun picks up a cup filled with white liquid. “I don’t feel-”

“Drink. It. Lee. Jeno”

That was enough of a persuading for him, he took it and bottoms up. Jeno climbs into his bed, letting his head rest on the pillow. Somehow, he feels dizzy, the screaming in his head stopped, and soon gives in to the blacking dots covering his vision. Renjun is blessing, really.

Renjun sighs, he slips in next to Jaemin. His eyes glassy with the fact he had to use knock out juice to get these two to sleep.


	4. Day 38

Haechan swayed and grip on the railings on the stairs, he’s so dead tired from being in two active units. How does Mark do this? Well, Mark didn’t have three assholes abusing him is one he guessed. His stomach clawed at him with hunger, but the vocalist ignores.

_“How are you an idol when you’re so fat?”_

_“Seriously look in the freaking mirror you ugly shit”_

_“What visual hole, more like a whole fat ass pig”_

_“Honestly do you really think fans would love you when you look so freaking hideous?”_

Their words still hunt him, their judgement towards his body and skin. It made him see all sorts of mistakes that he was taught that they don’t exist, it made him feel that the number on that scale should go lower.

It made his whole self feel so…...ugly.

He looks over to his other members, even his own eyes are starting to deceive him seeing their perfect slim bodies, their pretty skin tone unlike his ugly tanned one.

He knew he’s going to slip back down that dark and endless hole he got over in trainee years with the help from his hyungs, and most importantly, he knows no one will reach out to help him this time.

He knew he’s doomed when his mind tells him to ignore the food set out for him on the table, he knew he’s utterly fucked when no one stopped despite the fact he wasn’t hiding it at all.

He definitely knew the red sirens are blaring when he puked out all the contends of his stomach when he’s forced to eat with 127.

And he knew there’s no helping him anymore when he grew addicted to the feeling of seeing the number drop lower and lower each time he weights himself.

“Haechan we get it you’re struggling, but guess what? We all are” Yuta snapped that particular day, they had to repeat the song again without even entering the chorus.

Haechan who sat down to breathe because his body seem to spare no energy for him to even fucking breathe. His pants are harsh and heavy under the huge hood that covered his whole head.

 It was so hard to even just get his stupid lungs to work like a normal functioning human being, but is he even normal anymore?

With his body trembling from head to toe, back aching because the manager oh so thinks it’s his turn, the wounds from Dream dance practice stinging. And the best part is, they can’t see that.

It felt like dying, but how does something that’s already dead can be dying?

Johnny sighs in frustration followed with the leader, Dooyoung, Jaehyun and Jungwoo glaring at him, Taeil completely unreadable with Winwin. Mark who still has some sense to him goes to help him up, but Haechan politely shook his head in refusal.

If there’s anyone in this room that can tell right away there’s something obviously wrong going on with him, it’s Mark.

“You know Mark had it worse and still does excellent right? Get a grip, Dream practice ended early” Yeah cuz Chenle and Jaemin blacked out towards the end, Jeno was nearly needed to be rushed to the hospital and Renjun is forced to handle the situation.

But all the pain decorating his body couldn’t compare to the pain that he was compared. They actually compared him, to Mark who is basically the epitome definition of per-freaking-fection.

And Taeyong let it slide, as if he deserved it.

“Hyung, that went too far” Mark says to Jaehyun

“No, he’s absolutely right. He’s an idol and he should know how to cope with this. You did, so why can’t he?” Dooyoung adds. He needs to get out of here, no, he needs to leave this unit.

They clearly don’t want him here anymore, Donghyuck pick himself up slowly, weakly but surely. “Lee Donghyuck” Taeyong calls, but he ignores it. The vocalist dips his hand into his bag and fish out his phone. “Donghyuck I’m not liking this at all”

There’s pure anger in Johnny’s voice, that Donghyuck admits, rivals quite well with Hyulsik’s. He dials a number, phone pressed tight to his ears. Eyes holding in all the tears that could spill any second, Mark watches the younger’s out of character actions, it was beyond him on why the hell is he like this.

But he can’t say that he still has a lot of patient left for him, “Hyuck, let’s just keep going” he says, putting a hand on the younger’s shoulder. He hadn’t expected for Haechan to jump away, although under the hood, he could tell Haechan was very much spooked by the sudden touch.

This, somehow got unnoticed by the other hyungs. Too busy talking amongst themselves as they wait for Taeyong to fix the music.

“Hyuckie?” that wasn’t normal, Mark knew and is sure as heck that the Haechan he knew would never react that way to just a touch.

The call connected, “Junnie…..” Haechan spoke, a voice a bit louder so that it may travel through the object of communication.

But that’s not what surprised Mark, what surprised him is that Haechan spoke

In mandarin

“带我回家””

He turns to see the other hyungs stopped after hearing Donghyuck said something after being there for 2 hours or so, and they were equally as shock. Flawless like a native’s, pronunciation on point.

Donghyuck had brushed up on his other two side languages, it was the only way they could communicate without the managers knowing what they’re saying.

Plus, he’s lacking in his looks so he should try to be better in some other area right?

“Junnie……..这是自私吗？我现在想要死是自私的吗？我不想再活了”

Sichengs’s sharp gasp, and the way the male covers his mouth with both hands quizzes them, what did he said?

But he quickly moves far away to the other side of the room when Renjun’s voice echoes from the device.

“如果是那样的话我猜我们中的一些人是更加自私”

“Hyuck, what’s going on? Please talk to me” Mark pleaded, pulling the hood off. The sight made his blood run cold, and all the anger directed towards the youngest vocalist crammed in that room is gone out of the window in an instant.

Hyuck backs away, gazing at Mark in shock. His cheeks are slightly hollowed and his jawline is more prominent, eyes loomed with exhaustion or just dead.

“H-Hyuck?” Regret? Guilt? You name it, every negative emotion turns to pure concern.

For some in that room however, it was not a picture they were unfamiliar with. It was an image that’s forever burned in their memories with no means of erasing it. But what is displayed before them is much worse than what they remembered.

Sicheng is till much shaken by what he heard, Yuta and Taeil by his side calming him down. Now that he’s looking at Haechan again. He almost wants to throw up. Dooyoung, Taeyong, Johnny and Jaehyun march right up to him, but Haechan closes his eyes and stayed put.

They don’t really care, they never did. He doesn’t need their pity.

Donghyuck would laugh at their faces, it takes seeing all this to make them realize the shit that they’re doing to him?

“Hyuck you’re…. why…why didn’t you say-” Taeyong cups his face, flinched when Haechan jolts away. “Don’t touch me” He breathes.

“Aegi we’re sorry it’s just that-” but Haechan muster a bit more energy to cut Jaehyun right off.

 _“I get it, I’m being…. a nuisance. No need to coax me with lies”_ he blurts out,

in his perfected English.

The three English speakers don’t know which is more shocking, the sudden language improvement or what was said by the small looking vocalist.

Renjun bust open the door, eyes scanning the room for his unit-mate. He pushes pass the hyungs, letting Donghyuck throws his weak self onto him. He had been……busy when Haechan had called him, if only they were paying more attention to Renjun,

They’ve could’ve saw the red spots on his dark grey hoodie.

“Shhhh it’s okay, I’m here” Donghyuck breathes in and out repeatly, a low mumble of “谁?” escapes his lips, only for Renjun’s ears.

“……C-Chenle…...” he could evidently feel the tightening grip Donghyuck has on him, even if it barely equals to that of an ant bite.

“Guys, children. What exactly is going on with all of you?” Dooyoung breathes out, but how can they tell him?

Even with the older member’s pleading eyes, they would never take the risk.

“We’ll handle it, please just this once. Trust us, it’ll pass in a week or so”

They did, despite all they’ve seen, they trust the Dreamies on this one. Days later, they wished they hadn’t.


	5. Day 38 pt2

There are times in life where he thinks time is moving too fast, like watching the two maknaes growing up, albeit in this dreadful industry.

But there’ll be times where he thinks, things are going way too slow. For example, the period of time they have to spend being tortured.

Dance practices had always been the hell of this life, it’s somewhat similar to normal kids going to school, it’s that wretched place you’ll find yourself going to anyway because of those little joys you get in between.

For him, that’s what dance practices are, or in his case now, what they were.

It used to be dancing till the choreographies are engraved in their minds, covered in sweat of pure hard work.

It used to be laying together on the floor after a grueling 3 hours, breathless and panting yet smiles of satisfaction their faces before getting up the next minutes for more.

It was the most exhausting part of the job in off-camera terms, but nothing beats hanging off each other as they exit after a good practice.

Jaemin had been salty the entire time he was on hiatus, counting each and every hour of those dance practices that he missed.

How he gets less of almost everything.

less of Chenle and Renjun playing around when they got the choreo wrong,

less of seeing the satisfying scene of Hyuck and Jisung fighting to get the new dance down first,

less of Jeno being playfully called out for being off beat and most of all,

less of Mark being with him through those times, being the cute dork he is by playing hype songs as bgm when they start bickering out of reasons far too stupid to remember.

He had been so happy to be back, and like he had remembered ‘Go’ was a blast, then comes ‘We Go Up’ and them being mauled over Mark leaving and then,

this treachery.

A room that used to be a space where they joke and pour their determination is now a room they feared. The floors used to be wet with dripping sweat now had blots of red, if the cleaners noticed, they never said anything.

There are no more smiles or laughter, only whimpering and terror.

Jaemin swayed, he could barely register the music being played. His mind only worries for if he didn’t get this right, they’re going to make the others hurt him, and nothing would break him more than seeing their unwilling faces plough with guilt doing actions against their will.

He had stayed up night after night, practicing anywhere and whenever he could. He can’t get this wrong, he mustn’t get this wrong.

_Turn, kick, slide, slide….two..four..and five….and spin, jump kic-_

But the amount of fatigue that weights his body couldn’t support his weight for the second kick and he slipped, falling on his side. _No no no no, please no_

There was that growl, and he braces himself when a leg comes in contact harshly with his back. He throws himself to the ground, biting his lips to ignore the pain.

“You, get on with it” Jaemin didn’t want to peel his eyes open, who was it? Who was it this time?

“I do-don’t want t-to” Jaemin gasps to himself, Jisung? “N-no, pl-please…on-one more t-t-time” he begged, and pleaded.

Anything to for them to leave his maknaes alone, they never did but Jaemin never lost hope trying.

“Shut up! You’re fucking useless!! How the fuck are you even an idol is beyond me” Geomjal shouted, Jaemin flinched when the water bottle hits him on the head. He hears Chenle crying, before the sobs turns into chokes.

He hears stomping before his face is hit with a slap, “There, now leave him alone!” Renjun screams.

The sting lasts quite a while, in the corner of his eyes Chenle is seen being hugged tightly by Jeno, the older boy holding the unconscious younger in his arms.

Jisung is being comforted by Donghyuck, the tall maknae sobs quietly while clutching his arm. Jaemin closes his eyes, it was too much, he was so tired. The last thing he heard was Jikyun cursing at him to go and die.

When he was awake, he found himself in his room under his soft covers. Grunting, he gets up and looks about the quiet dorm. “You’re awake hyung” Jisung greets him, the boy is sitting at the dining table, his back facing him. “Ji? Where re the others?” How long had he been out?

“Jeno hyung will be back later from the hospital, Renjun hyung is with him, Hyuck hyung is at 127 practice” His voice was monotone, lifeless and void of emotions.

“Chenle?”

Jisung flinches, he bangs his head onto the table and presses his ears tight while screaming hysterically.

Jaemin panicked, he quickly holds the youngest who only respond by trying to shove him away. Jisung screams, “He’s DEAD!! I hate him!! He’s so selfish!! Hyung I want him back!! Chenle!! CHENLE!!! I HATE HIM!! SELFISH CHENLE!!”

“J-Jisung, calm d-down. He’s n-not dead” but it was like his own thoughts betray him, Chenle hanging from the ceiling, Chenle falling splats to the earth with his boy breaking to bits, Chenle vomiting out various colors of pills-

“Jaemin snap out of it!” He trembles, it seems his vision is back to reality and he finds himself shaking with Renjun’s kind eyes yet bloody hands holding his. “Breathe, you’re okay” he wasn’t, “Chenle is fine, he’s under closed watched by the hospital. Hyungs don’t know and they won’t. It’s okay”

Sometimes, he forgets that he’s NCT third youngest. He was only a bit above Chenle, he’s a child as much as they are. “J-Jisung?” Renjun shakes his head, “I put him to sleep, I’m trying to steal us some time so we can go get him some meds to deal with his PTSD. Don’t worry, I got this”

“Jaem…..Jaem…..” Haechan all but weakly moves to him, “Hyuck…..” he cups the other’s face, feeling the prominent features sickly sticking out. “You’re smaller” he gasps out, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” Jaemin pulls him into a hug. “What for?"

“Cuz I’m so fucked up” The vocalist chokes out, “You’re not the only one, we all are”

Renjun gets up and stumble into his room, the eldest of them topples on the bed, grips on the sheets and screams his heart out. He needs to draw out red, he needs control. Renjun slams open his drawer, grabbing a random blade and slice through his skin.

His work from before was still bleeding yet he criss cross over them, creating a much uglier mess that looked so pretty in his eyes. Chenle will need to stay till tomorrow while he needs to follow those assholes to fetch Jeno later.

He’s stressed, not a wink since the last 34 hours and now he doesn’t think he will till Chenle is back and safe in the dorms where he continues to stay wake till he’s knocked out by exhaustion, excellent plan. Maybe he could do something so that they’ll let him take Jisung to get meds.

“RENJUN!!”

The blade is ripped away from his hands and through his blurry orbs, he sees Jaemin and Donghyuck’s panicking features. Why hadn’t the pain come? He had sliced deeper than ever. “He’s losing too much blood.” That was Jaemin right? He couldn’t tell.

“Don’t leave us, please, Junnie don’t” but it’s so hard holding on, maybe a short nap wouldn’t hurt. “I-I-I’m s-s-sorry…..I..I…c-can-c-can’t…” but everything turned pitch black.


	6. Day 21

Chenle hovers about in front of the grey door, Renjun isn't here yet. Where is he? The youngest Chinese is by all means, terrified to enter the supposedly classroom for his extra Korean lessons with Geomjal. 

 

He hugs his arms, the heartless beast had strike him countless times with the cane for every small mistake in his use of words and pronunciation. He couldn't even count the number of red streaks left by the cane scattered on his skin. "Ge...."

 

If he doesn't enter now, he'll be deemed as late. And Chenle rathers not find out the consequences of being late. Trembling, he twists the doorknob. His eyes glued to the floor when the door slowly creaks open. Geomjal sat on one of the chairs, a cane in his hands and a few korean books laid out. 

 

"Fucking finally, that other idiot isn't going to come. Well don't just fucking stand there!!!" His heartbeat rapidly increases, the loud voice bold and filled with spite and anger shook him. It rings in his head, causing fear to build up.

With tears prickling, he steps into the room. He didn't miss the way the manager had smirk evily.

 

_

 

"Now get the fuck out of my face, fucking slut. You better tell no one about this or Jisung gets it" Geomjal spat, zipping his pants up. 

 

Chenle, picks his shaking sobbing self up and stumble himself out of the room. He pull on his shirt to wipe off the remains of the older man's tracings off his face. 

 

_Disgusting dirty disgusting dirty_

 

He runs to the nearest toilet, shutting himself in one of the cubicles before vomitting into the toilet. He feels sick, from both the semen forced down hsi throat and the thought he actually let it happend. He rinses his mouth with the pipe water, the horrid taste still lingers in his mouth. 

 

Geomjal pull on his hair, thrusting the poor gaging boy hard onto his lenght with all sorts of dirty words spilling out of his mouth that Chenle couldn't decipher.

 

_Stop, make it stop_

 

Chenle hugs himself and cries, why? He was still only a child, what could he had ever done to have this happening to him? He's dirty, he's disgusting to let someone do that to him. 

 

_"Ahh yes, fuck! You're such a freaking slut aren't ya? Taking hyung so well"_

 

His breathing laboured and the grip on his clothes tighten till his knuckles turn blue as his bruises. Chenle has both hands covering his ears. Hoping to block out everything, it was too loud and too suffocating. 

 

His mind? The shouting? The lewd words thrown at him? He wasn't sure who and which was louder, only that it felt like someone is choking all the oxygen out of his body and he's losing control of his breathing. His chest burns with pain, wanting things to just end and he could be over with this. 

 

But instead, he waits and endures it for a bit more. Breathe on 1,2,3, 4 and out 1,2,3,4 and in 1.........he remembered Donghyuck teaching hom days ago.

And after an agonizing 20 minutes, he's able to wobbly stood up. Steps out of the cubicle and fix his appearance.

 

He looks at his watch, whole group practice starts in 15 minutes. He can't be late for that. He pulls out a small bottle of concealer, and dabs wherever that is needed. He wonders when did the list of necessities that they must have with them at all times had grew.

 

They used to have this small rule where they must have their phones, water bottles, a small sweat towel and a set of clothes with them whenever their doing practices, lessons or any other activity at the company. Now with the addition of concealers, painkillers and a mini first aid kit set. 

 

He had left his bag in the dance practice room before coming for the....lesson.....but thankfully he had thought of bringing along the concealer. He pushes open the door and sees that he was the first Dreamie to arrive. 

 

Hyulsik walks over to him, a fake smile plastered on his face. "Chenle, your other Dream hyungs won't be coning because they aren't feeling well. But Jisung should be here soon. Practice hard okay? Fighting!" He says, and pats the Chinese's head and walks out.

Chenle bites down a cry, what did they do to them?

 

"Hey lele! How is hyung's favourite dongseng?" Kun calls him, the elder wraps a secure arm around the boy but Chenle pushed him in fright with a shriek. His hands trembles, seeing nothing but Geomjal's huge hands locking a hold on him.

 

Kun stumbles back, shock at the action. "Ge...gege you scared me" he forced up a grin and a small akward laugh. "Chenle is everything alright?" He asks, this time more carefull with physical approach. Chenle backed away from him slightly, a flash of fear in his eyes.

"Y-yeah, I'm just really.....on the edge right now. You know what stress can do, sheesh so annoying!"

 

The door creaks and Jisung slowly comes in, Chenle made a dash for him, "Jisungie!!" He jumps at him. He hugs the maknae tight to muffle his tears. "Chenle....h-hyung is...." Jisung did his best to look normal and pull Chenle put of the room for a moment. 

 

"What's with them?" Ten asks, "I would ask but I think its the Dreamies private matters" Dooyoung says. "Shouldn't we worried? Chenle flinched when I hugged him" Kun says, "They'll tell us when they're ready, we can't keep treating them like children" Sicheng says. "Still.....I really don't like this"

 

Once outside and away from the hyungs prying eyes and ears, Chenle tightly clings to the maknae and burry his mess of a face into the maknae, the concealer and tears mixing and staining Jisung's shirt but the owner simply hugs back the smaller figure. "Wh-what hap-happened?" Chenle's faint and scared voice asks him.

 

"T-they......they-they....I....Ja-Jaemin hyu-hyung......they r-ra-raped" but Jisung didn't need to say any more of it, Chenle sobs harder.

After what he went through just earlier, how could he really think he's handling the worse when Jaemin is out there being violated.

He feels even more disgusted of himself. 

 

"Le...Lele?" Chenle wouldn't look at him in the eye, "I wa-was t-too" Jisung feels his mind going dead at the new information. They had swore that they won't keep anything that happen to them from each other, even Jisung. 

 

There's nothing but a heavy dread hung over them, life so young yet destroyed. They were innocent unexpecting children living in the cruel world that shouldn't have met. 

 

"Lets go, smile for hyungs" Chenle pulls away, his shaking fingers brushing away strands of Jisung's hair. The small vocalist bites his lips and suck in a deep breath.

No matter how he puts it, he's the hyung right now for Jisung. Those two months between them place him as someone who should care for the one younger than him

 

"I-I....I....do-don't....I can't" Chenle feels himself tremble again, he's never the hyung. He's always babied and cared for by Dreamies and the other hyungs, the new responsibility he holds now is so unfamiliar to him. Chenle could cry again, it was all he knew how to do these days anyway.

 

But instead, he wipes away Jisung's tears and hugs the maknae. Jisung isn't the type to go and find reassurance, it was up to the people around him to notice and reach out to him. Chenle is anxious and terrified but he did what he thinks his hyungs would've done.

He cares for Jisung just as much as the rest of them do. 

 

It was about 30 minutes later when Jisung can finally talk and walk normally. The hyungs had already started practice, cheering for them when they returned. The two puts on their best convincing smiles and puts their acting skills to maximum power. 

 

"Hyung"

Chenle widen his eyes, they are taking a short break after an hour or so. Jisung sat next to him, "Hyung"

 

Jisung never calls him hyung

 

"Le hyung, will we ever be okay?" There's the million dollar question, the answer is clear as the skies in the day but Chenle is stuck between the truth and lie.

He could keep lying to himself and his bandmates, but even Jisung knows the true answer. Why did he bothered to even ask? Why must he be reminded of it?

 

"No Sungie, I don't think so"


	7. Day 18

Jisung remembers that one particularly day the most, it was after all, the day that made something in him snapped. 

 

The managers were more annoyed and ruthless, at some point one of them yanked Jeno to the side just to beat him for no reason. Jisung kept dancing, eyes trained on his own reflection, it was something the hyungs had taught him to do.

 

Whatever happens, don't look, keep dancing 

 

Haechan gasps and stops his actions to stop Jikyun, heart pounding in fear and anger at the unreasonable act. He tackles the manager, pulling him from Jeno with all his might. 

 

But Hyulsik quickly grabs him, "You're such a pest, you wanna be a hero huh? With your ugly stupid face, how bout you put this body of yours to good use eh?" The older man firmly grips onto the shirt, ready to tear it off any second.

 

"N-n...NO!!" Jeno screamed, squirming to get away but everything hurts so bad and he's so tired with his lack of rest. His head filled with red sirens of what was to happened if he doesn't do something. 

 

Renjun hearing the man snaps his head around and widen his eyes in terror when Hyulsik rips off Donghyuck's clothes. The main vocalist's screaming bounce off the walls, he trashed and kick, pleading to get away.

 

Jaemin and Renjun, obviously are not going to let this escalate any further sprints fast to help, "DON'T TOUCH HIM YOU BASTARD!!!" Jaemin shouts, his fist coming in contact with Hyulsik's face. 

 

Geomjal grabs Renjun, flinging the small boy to the wall easily, Renjun was sent flying and crashing into the wall in seconds, every movement starts to ache and he cries out loud in pain, his eyes burning with tears as he pleads mercy for the other vocalist. 

 

"No! NO!! PLEASE!! GET OFF OF ME!!" Haechan screamed, the strength to fight back is non existent and he cries for the worse when he feels himself stripped off of his clothing. His hands frantically tries to cover himself although the effort is clearly useless. 

 

Chenle and Jisung had stopped dancing and huddled together, both are shaking wildly in terror. Jisung had burried himself into Chenle wishing he could be deaf to the sounds of gaging, screaming and fists against skin. 

 

Chenle wasn't any better, yet he reminded himself of his title and hugs the maknae tight. "AGHH!!" Jeno screamed when he was slammed to the floor on his stomach. The manager then presses his foot on his face so that he has a front seat view of Donghyuck getting violated.

 

"DONGHYUCK!!" Jaemin cried out but still could not fight off Hyulsik, with his own body deprived of needed energy. He finds himself helplessly clutching his insides while unable to move due to the pain. 

 

"Sh-shut your EYES!! DON'T EVEN FUCKING LOOK" his mind jumbled in a mess, Donghyuck cried out to his unit members. He feels himself shattered with each touch and the sudden jolt of immense pain from his lower abdomen. 

 

He couldn't scream or trash anymore, too exhausted, it was too much. The music kept playing, and the other 00 liners although would rather sit through it with Donghyuck dares not go against his orders. 

 

Chenle tightly as he can, covers Jisung's ears and eyes, it can't be help that they're surrounded by mirrors and even if Haechan is bitting down hard to not make any sounds. His whimpers still echoes along with the guitar and bass in the song as his body is pounded harshly.

 

"S-sung-gie.....S-Sun-Sungie l-l-look at m-me" Chenle says to the younger, cupping Jisung's face in his his palms. "W-we're g-go-g-gonna d-dance o-o-okay?"

 

But Jisung isn't listening, he was trembling in horror with his eyes squeezed tight, trying to block the noises his hyung is making. His mind going numb to overwhelming and back again in the speed of light. 

 

"SUNGIE, LISTEN TO ME!!" Chenle's yell finally got his attention, "Su-Sungie!! Look at ME! Listen to m-me Sungie" Jisung stares into the other's eyes, two tear filled orbs ready to burst out like waterfalls. "We're g-going to dance, an-and you're gon-gonna close y-your eyes okay? Just li-listen to the mu-music yeah?"

 

The words slurred in his ears but even with his speeding heartbeat, he took time but slowly processed what was said to him. Chenle with his own shaking self picks them both off the floor. The last note of the song nearing and they got into position. 

 

The manager was still at it and Donghyuck must have passed out becuase things were quiet then. But the clear weaken shouts and cries of the other 00 liners ring almost too clearly in their ears. 

 

The starting of 'We Go Up' played and Jisung danced tp the song that's embedded in his memory, it had used to be such a meaningful song,their last comeback as 7Dream but now it was only a song that reminded them the time before happiness and innocence were ripped apart from them.

 

Hearing his own voice singing, Jisung could barely recognize himself, he had sounded so different. His voice that was filled with youth and energy sounded foreign somehow, he could rap his verses a thousand more times but would never have that feeling again in his voice. 

 

He closes his eyes and danced, danced till his chest feels like its about to explode, danced like the fool he is to let everything fall apart this way. It wasn't like he could do anything about it, he was just 17.

 

How do you stop abuse? How do you save your hyungs from heartless rapists that were supposedly the people you ought to rely on? What was he supposed to do about these inhumane beings? 

 

He didn't left home at an age too early to go out into the world, slave away behind practice rooms doors, have reality's claws gnawing at him for this, if only hyungs knew he was their first victim, if they had known he was already tarnished with dirt, would they have fought harder for themselves?

 

He was the problem

 

They're all trying so hard to protect him, giving up more than what they should to keep him safe. If they knew the gold they were protecting had already rust, that it made no actual difference becuase he was touched, abused, damaged just the way they are. 

 

Jisung couldn't finish his thoughts before feeling everything blurs, his body limp to the floor with sweat glazed over each inch of exposed skin. There was zipping sounds, footsteps stomping and a slam of the door.

 

His vison was blank, and it almost felt like he wasn't breathing and his own life is seeping away from him.

Suddenly someone had put something over his mouth and he could feel oxygen being forced into his lungs.

 

He couldn't hear anything nor does he sees anything, Jisung couldn't feel his limbs or his own self, that went on for a couple minutes before he could make out shadows and muffled voices that sounded like Renjun and Chenle.

 

Jisung felt a hand pushing his chest and pumping the air in and out of his body, working like a pulley. Something soft was against his cheeks and helping him regain his ability to breathe.

 

"-sung, can uou hear me?? Jisung? JISUNG???" His hyung's voice becoming clearer, and his vison was slowly restored. Renjun was doing CPR while Chenle has a firm frip om his hands. 

 

It was horrifying, he not once realize he wasn't breathing till his mind registered he was getting CPR from Renjun. "There, he's breathing on his own again" 

 

They help him sit up and only then he noticed the bad bruises on Renjun and how Chenle's hands are shaking wildly and he could see the boy ia trying to calm himself down.

 

Jeno and Jaemin went to take Haechan to his room and clean up the mess, not even trying to hide their shocked gasps. Jeno pull of his jacket to cover Hyuck while Jaemin fetch the exta change of clothes.

 

"You're okay....it's okay Sungie...."

 

But it wasn't and it'll never be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all aware of my tags, I stay true to them. 
> 
> Just saying cuz some of yall might go for my neck after this
> 
> I swear I love my babies
> 
> Seriously tho, my tags don't lie


	8. Day 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is NEAR
> 
> Place your theories!! I'm curious what do you guys think might happen!

The wind hollered and the sun is bright, the birds flew and chriped, producing beautiful melodies. What kind of mockery is this? Renjun would never knew. It was like the world loved-No, the world lived to see them in pain. 

 

Another kick from Hyulsik shoved Chenle to the wall, the younger isn't even crying anymore, the jabs of pain became a norm for each of them, sick ass teens with suffering as their best friends if not soulmates. "Tch, it's so boring." The man said in annoyance. 

 

A month passed, the days turning into what felt like an eternity. Haechan makes his way to help the Chinese only to find him passed out. He bites down on his lips, hands shaking as he cradles the younger boy. Jaemin was somewhere to their right, abandoned from the course of events moments ago. 

 

"You useless shits can fuck off" they three left, Jeno limps his way towards Jaemin and sobs hard into the unconscious boy's figure muttering pleas. "I-I....have to go" Haechan said giving Chenle and Jisung one kiss each on their foreheads before getting up and sways for the door. 

 

His lack of food intake took a great toll on his body and he could laugh out loud till his eyes brim with tears at how none of the hyungs commented how he looked like a walking skeleton. Maybe it didn't matter, he didn't matter. 

 

When Chenle had woke up and finds himself under his soft covers, he's immediately attacked with the bashing and scenarios that flows in like a gushing river. He wants to cry, no tears were produce. He wants to scream, not a decibel was heard. He wants someone to hold him and protect him from all this torture.

 

But no one is there.

 

He didn't want to keep continuing like this, destroying himself like this as if he's not already in shattered pieces. It didn't matter what he had to do, he just wants this all to go away, he wants to be normal, he wants to smile, he wants laugh and do jokes and dance and sing and live like those fairytale princesses. Most of all, he wants this pain to end. 

 

He wants to put an ending to this tragic story, perhaps he'll save the others too by doing this? They'll surely miss him but, they'll move on. Chenle smiled to himself, already dreaming of the moment he wouldn't feel the pain anymore, or rather he wouldn't feel anything anymore. 

 

Renjun had just entered the dorm when he heard Jisung's ear splitting scream, rushing to the source of the sound he feels his breathe being cut off and drops to his knees seeing a very pale Chenle with a rope around his neck being hold up by the maknae. 

 

Somehow he wasn't surprise, maybe he was expecting this? Maybe he was wondering who would go first? Or perhaps his bet was on himself or Hyuck so he was terrified and scarred seeing that his little brother went first?

 

"I want to die" Chenle kept repeating in his native tounge while being cradled by the youngest and the eldest. Jisung said nothing, only crying in silnce but Renjun knew it's only a matter of time befor he snaps. 

 

Jisung's panic attacks are the worst among them, he had remembered the first timeit happened and the maknae needed actual help getting his lungs to function. How he would go from hyperventilating to stop breathing, Jisung nearly died that day but he still laughed for the hyungs on Vlive.

 

Then once Chenle is checked in a ward and put under suicide watch, he gets that call from Haechan. He guesses that things are awkwardly suspicious because it was oddly weird on the other side of the line (and he might want to bet that the hard crying sounds were from Winwin, would that ge tell them?)

 

It was stupid how the hyungs actually believed his words, just like the rest of the world that they had fooled. But as he's slowly loosing to the darkness, his thoughts fought, stay with them or end his pain and give up. Why was he hesitating?

 

It didn't matter because when he had woke up, it was proof he was still fucking alive but he was glad too. He wouldn't want to ever betray his Dreamies, his oh so ill fated 5 brothers that were counting on him. But, just like them, he wants to give up too. 

 

He was in the same room as Jeno and Chenle. Jaemin was sitting on a chair next to his bed, not asleep but staring blanky at something in his hands. "Jaemin?" Jaemin didn't stir nor react. "Nana" Jaemin snap hsi head at him, fresh tears dripping as he puts his head down onto Renjun's body. 

 

"Thank god, I thought.....I thought...." he was sobbing. "Shh.....it's okay. I'm still here" if Jaemin is here then Hyuck is probably at the dorms taking care of Jisung. "Hyung...." Renjun froze, "Please, it's been to long since I called anyone that without fear"

 

But Renjun wants to protest, no way, he can't call him that. He was no better than any of them to be called a 'hyung', he can't have that title. But he refrains from saying anything, "Guys?" Haechan peeks in, a hand around Jisung, who's supporting who? Renjun can't tell. 

 

He looks at Haechan, the boy looked no different than a walking skeleton, he was so terrified becuase he could barely recognize his fellow vocalist. Chenle, his body laid on the bed unconcious, body covered in white bandages to hide the horrible sight of his wounds. 

 

Jeno was awake, but he was only silently looking, seemingly deep in thoughts. He looked paler, there was no sign of life in his eyes, as if he's body is a moving dead corpse. Jaemin looked worn out, his hair all over and his own arms covered in bandages of white. 

 

Then he sees Jisung and oh god, face covered with a mask but obviously trembling as he moves to sit near Chenle, his mouth mumbling incoherent words that were either anger or despair. The two boys are so young, they were supposed to live their lives living their greatest dreams, performing, wining awards, maybe find partners and have their own family one day. 

 

But Renjun knows, the maknaes could no longer have that perfect life, and neither will the rest of them. Looking at his own messed up self, Renjun is sure. It's no point hoping for things to get better, no point to wait for a miracle that only exists in fairytales. They really can't anyway, too busy finding the ending to this story rather than fixing everything.

 

"I promise it'll end soon" Renjun proclaims, his lips purse into a smile. Thinking about the end makes him feels slightly better already, "How?" Jeno snapped, but his voice is void of emotions. "You'll see.....no one can hurt us again.....we're going to be better......together. I'll make sure of it"

 

Jaemin confusedly eyes the elder male, Jeno looks away, can't lie, he wants to end this too. Hyuck smiles going over to Jeno to acompany him, Jisung heard but made no reaction. All this time he never believed Renjun but just this once, maybe he could trust his hyung. 


	9. Day 45

"Sicheng, what did he said?" Yuta asks, but Sicheng still refuses to talk. Not when he's in his own denial at what he heard, he couldn't accept what he heard.

Its been days since then but he couldn't tell them even if he tried, the words could never form and leave his lips. 

 

Mostly because he doesn't know the korean word for it, why would they ever teach him the word 'suicide' in the first place? But otherwise, he can't get himself to tell.

This is obviously urgent and very important, this a matter of his younger brothers lives. Maybe he's selfish, or he's just a plain coward. 

 

Yuta frowns when Sicheng remains quiet, needless to say he's never been more annoyed at the boy than he thought he could ever be with him.

Yet, it scares him, what could've Hyuck said that shook the actual living out of this Chinese boy. 

 

Taeyong and Dooyoung kept on close tabs on the Dreamies, it was then they knew how much the dreamies just seems to barely exist outside their dorms and practice rooms.

They always looked so tired and Dooyoung swore Jisung nearly went into a panic attack when he had unexpectedly pat his shoulder from the back.

 

Dooyoung went to see Jeno a few days ago, he had seen how strained the boy had looked. The way the words 'help me' simply paints all over his face, a burden heavier than Taeyong's on his shoulder.

It quizzes him to no end, why aren't they saying anything? 

 

Jeno had wordlessly sat him down in the living room that somehow didn't feel as comfy anymore, although barely anything was changed the place seems to have dulled down.

The traces of youth and happiness no longer present. Even being there made him feel sick, cold even. 

 

Jeno made him tea, his expression was unreadable, and it was almost like Dooyoung could see through those lifeless eyes. "Jeno yah.....please tell hyung.....what's going on?"

But Jeno only smiled, it was that famous eye smile that's to die for. 

 

But Dooyoung didn't like how his smile had looked then. Like a prey who already accepted it's doomed fate. Someone who had already given up.

 

Johnny hadn't sleep well ever since he saw Haechan.....like that. At some point he was sick of worrying and made it clear to himself that he's going to grab a bunch of Haechan's and the others favourite pastries and apologize to the younger while paying them a small visit. 

 

When he visited the dreamies (a day after Dooyoung's visit), he had walked in on Haechan holding a sobbing Chenle in his arms, the elder's bone thin arms cradling the younger boy in his arms in attempt to sooth him.

Chenle was visibly trembling, eyes filled with pure fear as he grips onto his hyung as if Hyuck was his last lifeline. 

 

It was when the demons in his head got loud, or the times he sees Renjun walking down the hall with his arms exposed (and sometimes with fresh blood dripping down his skin). He would go to Jeno and Jaemin who may or may not hadn't gotten any sleep in the past few days or Donghyuck if he wasn't busy emptying his stomach. 

 

Johnny could feel his heart banging through his ribbcage, Chenle looked so small, so vulnerable and all he wanted to do was go and scoop him up into his arms and tell him things will be alright. Instead, Haechan shot a glare at Johhny, a clear message of 'Get out' was sent. 

 

The vocalist glare him down as if Johnny just trespassed a forbidden territory, reluctantly he left. He knew he shouldn't have, how could he leave those two children like that? But the way Donghyuck had looked, the way he hugs Chenle and basically tries to kill Johnny with his eyes alone. 

 

He couldn't interfere that, no matter how dire the supposedly comforter's situation may be. He couldn't butt in such a intimate moment. 

 

And Mark? Mark was beyond frantic. A little part of him had hoped the dreamies would tell him since he used to be a part of them. But Jaemin dares not say a word, Jisung avoids him like a plague, and the rest of the dreamies proceeds to just block him out of their world, their twisted wrapped in cruelty world.

 

It was Dreamies comeback season, notably why they rarely get to see them. So when they do, the obvious change is impossible to miss.

 

It was a known fact now, something big and wild is going on with the younger members unit, the amount of white pills stored in the cupboards, the way their toilet always have a lingering stench of wet metal.

But nobody knew what, not even the fact waht they're seing is only the tip of the iceberg.

 

They never knew that they were far too late, that matters had gotten too bad and too big for them to meddle with anymore. They tried cornering the dreamies into telling them, that didn't turn out well, the effort was fruitless, and even add more damage.

 

Dooyoung, Mark and Taeyong had pulled Jisung to stay back with them after one particular practice, they beg for the youngest to spill anything, even the smallest bit of information. They promised to help him, to solve whatever problem that they're facing. 

 

But all hell broke loose, Jisung of course didn't interpret the situation right. He went into a full on panic attack when the two wouldn't let him leave, all he sees were the three devils that tore his life apart. He lungs had started to fail on him, the hyungs can only panic as they try to help the maknae.

 

If it weren't for Jaemin, Jisung would've died that day. "Hyung what were you thinking?!?" He lashes out, glad that he came to check, he was quick to push them away and start CPR on Jisung. The maknae is in a sobbing mess, clinging to Jaemin so hardly he may have left marks on the elder's shoulders. 

 

"Jaemin, what is this? Please just tell us, we can and will help you. What was that? How are we supposed to help you if you won't tell us what is wrong?" Jaemin ignores Mark's pleas and picks up Jisung.

"Na Jaemin, as your leader. You're going to stop and explain to us right now-"

 

"MAYBE WE CAN'T BE SAVED!!" the outburst was unexpected. "Maybe we don't want to be saved because it won't and can never go back to how it was before. You can't do anything, you....you can't save us...." he exclaims.

 

"Jaemin....no.....Jaemin please" Mark could only let his tears fall as Jaemin turns to leave. "You won't be our leader for long...."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I took so long!!
> 
> SPM assignments are piling up my to do list!


	10. Day 47

Renjun sighs, eyes spilling tears as he stood under shower. It didn't mattter how many times he went through it, the pain, horor and dread double over each time. 

 

He hugs himself tight, it was comeback season and with their constant need to be on camera, he had to refrain himself from cutting too much, especially in exposed areas like his arms. He saw how the stylists were more mad at him than worried or horrified.

 

He can't wait for this to end, to stop hurting every single day of his life, no more hurting himself, watching others get hurt and being forced to hurt them.

 

Thinking about waking up and knowing no one is going to get whipped, beaten or raped again and again. Jeno can enjoy his sleep, Donghyuck can eat whatever he wants and not puke it out, Jaemin enjoying dancing for dancing itself, Chenle can laugh and be loud again, Jisung can enjoy his life that's still so young.

 

He shuts the shower off and steps out of the bathroom, he shudders at his messed up bed. It immediately triggers him back to the memories from only a few hours ago. His back and lower abdomen still hurts and Renjun can vividly feel the older man's hands all over him.

 

He grabs his clothes and went to Jaemin's room instead. There's no way he's staying in there any longer than needed. Jaemin is at the dance studio with Jisung, they're going to perfect some moves before their last promotional stage for the new album. 

 

But Renjun knew, Jaemin was just there to make sure Geomjal did nothing to the maknae.

 

He slipped his clothes on, and went to the kitchen, ignoring his vibrating phone on the countertop, he digs into the drawers. Kun or any one of the Chinaline would constantly call or text him at any odd time of the day. 

 

He took out a few objects, smiling as he eyes them. They'll be free soon.

 

_

 

Jeno wasn't sure what Renjun was planning. But whatever it is, it gave him a bad feeling yet a yearning for it. It's been 4 days since he last slept, if you count a mere 40 minutes sleep that is. 

 

He's constantly restless, his mind is always too loud or too quiet. It kept him up for nights, and he's done pretending for the hyungs. Most of them did anyway, they've lost every reason to.

 

Dream and 127 did a small content filming the previous night, they played a few games. Jeno was swaying the entire time, the moments from the time blurs in his memories. He didn't know nor remember Dooyoung's scream when he collapsed, Jungwoo's sobbing or Mark's pleas for him to wake up.

 

But he couldn't get Jisung's scream of horror out of his head, or Chenle's fearful voice shaking and stuttering as he talks or Haechan's crying. It was supposed to be a fun night, but it turned into a chaotic mess. A type that the fans definitely won't enjoy.

 

The hyungs watched, they tried to help but a bark from himself, Renjun and Jeno had them back off. The hyungs could help them, Mark can help them. They're always trying their hardest to help, someone would always try to stick around with them at the dorms and practice sessions.

 

(But it had only made the managers even more angrier and do much worse to 'make up' for all the time they 'missed' with the Dreamies)  

 

The managers would be reported and they'll be coddled with love and affection till every last bit of the memory of their suffering vanish. They'll get them proper help, and maybe they'll get better. And all it takes is to just let it out, tell them.

 

Its so simple yet so hard, because the very thought of such thing seems so impossible. You can fix something that's broken but what good there is in helping the shattered?

 

Jeno sunk down to his knees, guilty that he gave up on his brothers, he trembles and thought why can't he just jump of this roof? The edge is just in front of him. 

 

He gave up on getting them better, but he sure as hell ain't leaving them to suffer without him.

_

 

Jaehyun shudders as he carried Haechan, they've just finished practice and he had insisted on being the one to bring the younger to the Dreamies Dorm. Haechan rarely stays with them anymore, it saddens him. 

 

The boy in his arms is more fragile than glass, it was pointless each time they made him eat something but he would only get sicker and throw up, his body had became so weak that the only thing he could swallow without actually feeling nausea mashed up tasteless food. 

 

Jaehyun cried a lot these days, every once in a while getting attacked with nostalgic memories. It wasn't a new sight, they've been there, they were familiar with this Haechan. He spent trainee days not only sharping his skills but also helps his little brother of 15 years old deal with Anorexia.

 

He wanted nothing more than to not see Hyuck in such state ever again, not willing to see the younger starve himself and purge for the sake of pleasing others. He promised himself, he won't let it get bad ever again. 

 

It was the first time he broke a promise.

 

Now with Haechan barely with them, how does he help? They can talk to the managers and arrange therapy but who were SM staffs to care? He's trying so hard, begging the younger to rest and eat whenever he could. And he'll get that despaired smile, a smile that repeatedly told him.

 

'I'm done trying'

_

Jaemin clutch his insides, groaning out loud. He lifts himself up and peels the older male of his maknae. Jisung heavily breathes, the world around him swirling and blacking out. 

 

The manager easily flings Jaemin off of him and gave Jisung one final kick. Jisung's ragged breathing increased rapidly and Jaemin panicked, he limps across the floor to his nag and pulls out a oxygen mask. 

 

Having dealt with such situations more times than he would like to admit, he waits till Jisung could breathe on his own again while muttering gentle words in his ears. 

 

Jaemin feels something cold trickling down his forehead, he tap it and saw how the crimson liquid covers his finger. Jisung was breathing again, but his eyes, crazed as ever kept staring at the blank ceiling. 

 

He did not know why or how but he was more afraid of what's next than the pain, he learned to loved with the pain but why can't he stop being so damn scared? Why does his lungs keeps on failing on him? 

 

"Come on Sungie, let's head back"

 

When will the 'end' that Renjun promised come?

_

 

"Ch-Chenle, can y-you help me?" Renjun calls out to the younger Chinese boy. He was still pretty shaken, which explains the stuttering. "Ye-yes ge?" Chenle's blond locks were seen poking out from the doorframe of the kitchen. 

 

"The others will be back soon, we need to-t get ready. C-close all the windows for me please?"

 

Chenle nods, complying with the order without another word. It was something he learned to do while being trapped in this lopped cycle of suffering. Obey or..........Chenle's hands ghost over a spot on hsi arms were he was whipped once. 

 

He looks at Renjun, curious on what he's doing but not questioning the elder. Jeno got back hours ago, Jaehyun was sent here only minutes ago and now they're waiting for the other two. 

 

Renjun embraces the other Chinese on his arms. "We'll end this" 

On the countertop were a few things,

A lighter

A mystery pouch filled with something

Colour Papers

Three huge locks


	11. Day 47 pt2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGERSSSS I WARNED YALLL

Chenle nearly spaced out but was startled when he hears the door bursting open and Jaemin carrying Jisung in. Haechan sat next to him, in his hand a bottle of food supplements that Renjun had begged and made him swear to take. 

 

Something about not letting him have a head start or whatever he meant with that, the little pills felt like tiny bombs being swallowed and he had to use every ounce of whatever strength he's left with to not just puke it all out. 

 

"Good, you're here" Renjun chirps almost too happily, he was grinning ever since Jeno got back and it was starting to actually creep them out. "Jeno!!!"

 

The called boy stumbles out of his room, now all 6 of them are there. "We're going now" Renjun exclaims, "Going?? What???" But the vocalist was ignored when Renjun runs to grab some things on he table, color papers and markers. "Yup, we're leaving in a bit. Just write down whatever you want to say to the others on this paper" 

 

He gives Jeno some red paper, yellow for Haechan, purple for Chenle, pink for Jaemin and blue for Jisung. His own stack of Green filled with words of pleads and regrets neatly placed on the table. One piece each for one person he held dear in his life. 

 

"What? Injun what's going on?" But Renjun had skid away to the main entrance. Three huge and heavy locks in his hands, "I'm doing us all a favor" he says confidently but Jeno could tell there was fear somewhere in his tone. "What favor?" 

 

"I'm going to stop our pain, we'll be free" he fixed all three of them on the door. "Renjun for God's sake, if you're going to keep talking like you've gone mad-" Jeno couldn't finish his words when Renjun makes a sprint and swiftly threw the three keys out of the only opened window and closes it shut right after.

 

Only in that moment did the rapper saw what he just did, Renjun locked them in. There was a strong silence, the maknaes both huddled up to Donghyuck and Jaemin stood next to Jeno. They all stared at the eldest, Renjun only smiled. "What the hell Renjun?!" Jaemin exclaims. 

 

But Renjun ignores him, and proceeds to the kitchen, he grabs the lighter and the pouch. He uses the lighter to lit up the stove and pour out the contends of the pouch onto the fire. Black chunks of charcoal fell out and rest in the flames. 

 

Jeno and Jaemin widen their eyes, windows shut, locked door, paper messages......Jeno angrily grabs Renjun away from the stove and slam him to the wall. "You fucker, you're going to kill us all!!" Jaemin had to stop Jeno from actually beating the shit out of the smaller boy. 

 

"Stop it!!" Donghyuck cried out, Jisung was trembling with tears spilling down his cheeks while Chenle simply stood still, unmoving. "But you want this" Renjun stared right into.hsi eyes, two orbs with no life just looking through each other. "I don't" but why does it feels like his voice is deceiving him?

 

"Renjun you're....you're mad! I'm calling-" Jaemin couldn't finish his words. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S MAD!! If you for a second think that even if they left our lives for good we'll be okay again then you're the fucked up idiot!!"

 

"Whats the point anymore?! The game is long over so why are we continuing?! The pain can all go away, we have no future!! For us there is no freedom, this thing will hunt us till our last breaths so why prolong?? Look at me in the eye and tell me you don't want to just give up, that you don't want this. The pain would end and we'll be in peace, you're really going to say you don't want that?!"

 

"I....I....." Jeno backed away, mouth clamped over his mouth. Jaemin can barely keep his gaze on Renjun. "I......"

 

"You do, if you don't you would've have put that out by now" he points at the stove, the charcoal still burning bright. "I....no....this.....we can't do this!" He breaks down into tears, he did want this, he wants the suffering to end. But Jaemin is still a boy, he's still scared of something like death. "Its okay Nana, we're all in this together"

 

Renjun helps him up to his feet and pulls Jeno with him to the other three. Jisung had stopped crying, he snuggled next to his hyung with dried tears while Chenle smiled softly at the older Chinese. "Together?" They each looked at each other, a small smile taking place.

 

"Together"

_

 

Jaemin gently rubs circles on Haechan's back, the other boy had been caughing a fit since the last few minutes. The poison doing quicker damage to him than the others due to his weaken immune system. 

 

It was not that bad of a plan, carbon monoxide poisoning was popularly known as one of the less painful ways to suicide. And with their fairly big dorm, it'll give them some time to prepare themselves beofre what's awaiting them.

 

Their goodbye letters are all done and placed on the table with Renjun's. "What do we do now?" Jisung asks, his voice coming out like a whisper. Renjun estimates that it'll most likely take 3 hours max for the poison to kill them. Thankfully, he's well prepared. "Let's dress up for the occasion"

 

They all did a voting between choosing their Chewing Gum, We Young or any otger era outfits. Its pretty much pointless because Jaemin only had the Chewing Gum, Go and We Go Up outfit set, Jisung was ready to rebel anyone that dares to put him back in his god awful Chewing Gum outfits and none of them even wants to reconsider their My First and Last outfits.

 

In the end, Jisung wore his outfit for Go, its their first mnnet stage outfit. Chenle chose We Young along with Renjun, it was one where Renjun wore a hat of some sort. Haechan and Jeno wore We Go Up, the white ones that the they worse for their concept photos. Jaemin chose his Chewing Gum outfit that he wore for their hover board performance mv. 

 

"This is nice......." Chenle muttered, being in these clothes again bring back precious memories. "It is isn't it?" Renjun chimes, and caughs right after. They look weary, "Come on, who wants to take a trip down memory lane?" 

 

And that's how they ended up in the living room, sofas pushed all the way back and mattresses laid in front of the tv. Chenle snuggled next to Renjun while the other four squish themselves together. Video after video of their older performance plays on the screen, in that moment it was just them in their short peace before departure.

 

"Hyung its the day we won NCT's first win and you cracked your voice" Jisung remarks, Renjun didn't bark back. Instead he smiled and reaches out to ruffle teh younger's head "You're never letting me live aren't you?" 

 

"Hyung, you've literally got us to agreed we should just kill ourselves. Who's never letting who live here?" It should have came out rude, insensitive and rather insulting. But with Jisung's half dumb face and eyes rolling. All of them burst into laughter. "Wow ge, I just realized you dragged my ass back here only so that we can go together??" 

 

"Just cuz you can, doesn't mean you get a head start!" Jaemin exclaims. "Oooh guys! I have an idea, whoever dies first is a rotten egg" Haechan speaks up. "We're already beyond broken eggshells but I guess that works too" Jeno snorts. "How bold of you to suggest that when you're obviously at disadvantage" Renjun says.

 

"You know I missed this......" suddenly Jaemin mumbles out out, "I miss us talking normally like this...." he continues. "Hey......we'll be talking like this till the end of time after this. Its okay Nana" Jeno says, pulling Jaemin into a hug. "I'm scared" he whispers, "We know, me too honestly but look....... it hurts less when you know we're not going to get hurt anymore. Which.....we won't Min, we'll be in peac"

 

Jaemin whimpers, "It's okay hyung, I'm scared too......but as long as hyungs are here........I can do this" Jisung says, inching closer to hold Jaemin's hand. "We're pretty much joking about our upcoming deaths and laughing about it.....wow.....we're really messed up huh?" Haechan says out loud which follows by a caugh. 

 

"But on the bright side, we'll get to meet Jonghyun hyungnim again, lets get him to join NCT Dream and we'll wreck havoc up there till the hyungs down here will get jealousy of us" Chenle exclaims, "Chenle you evil genius! But bold of you to assume we're going to heaven" 

 

"Jonghyun hyung will throw hands up there if we don't so we're good, he loves us" they continue to laugh and joke while hiding the small bubbling fear that hids within them. But none of them brought up the obvious elephant in the room, how would the hyungs take this? They each chose to ignore the most important thing of all. 

 

They don't want to hurt the other hyungs but what can they do? Its too late to turn back. So they laugh, they joked and cherish whatever time left, the countdown to their end nearing and maybe the worst part about this mess, their extreme anticipation for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE NEXT ONE IS GONNA MAKE YALL CRY A NILE RIVER


	12. Day End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR WARNING 
> 
> DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE 
> 
> MULTIPLE CHARACTER DEATHS
> 
> YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Jaemin can't tell how long had it been but after some while none of them even had the strength to stand. Their little spread out mattress bed is a mess with pillows wildly thrown everywhere and at least 45 kinds of plushies of variety sizes and shapes around them. The tv is still playing, this time it was one of their interactive live replays, the vampire vs werewolves one.

 

He hates it when he hears Chenle choking on air or when Jeno starts to hit his head at times due to dizziness, Haechan hadn't move for a bit but the way his chest rise and fall confirms he's still breathing. He didn't know how long had they sat there to rot but he definitely knows one thing.

 

The end is near.

 

Jaemin wasn't sure which was more suffocating, the silence they're engulfed in or the way his lungs is buffering and how each breath became a workout. Jisung had spooned Haechan, Chenle was leaning on his shoulders with Renjun on his lap. The maknae's souless eyes only focused on the tv screen although not really watching it. 

 

They were happy moments ago, but as time ticks, they just want things to end already. The atmosphere greatly contrasts to their 'costumes', the laughter displayed on the screen was almost fictional to them. It was a dread how things are progressing maybe a little too slowly. 

 

Jisung feels something wet on his shoulder and felt Chenle moves away from him, Jeno and Jaemin looked their way as well at the sudden movement. The younger Chinese used whatever left in his dying body to pull his older brother deeper into his embrace, his cries low and broken while muttering "Wait for me ge, soon, I'll be there soon" in Chinese. 

 

Of course, it doesn't take a genius to know what happend. 

 

Jeno and Jaemin crept over ever so slowly, as if any sudden movements would startle the boy from his slumber, but of course it won't, Renjun won't ever wake up again. Haechan let a tear slid, his own hand weakly finding their way to held Renjun's cold one, his lips trembled as it muttered a "Look who had a head start" 

 

Jeno suspects it was his cuts, he had removed all his bandages so it was free for any germ or anything to infect him. He kept his gaze at the eldest, motionless in the arms of his brothers yet he looked so peaceful, so serene that it didn't saddened him that he left. They were going after him anyway.

 

Jeno and Jaemin helped Chenle to settle Renjun down, his pretty eyes no longer for the world to see, his melodious voice would only remain in recordings and videos. But instead of covering his whole body. They tuck him in some blankets and he looks like he's sleeping just as he normally does before this hell feel upon them. 

 

Too bad sleeping beauty will never wake up this time.

 

Jisung pulls Chenle by slinging one arm around the other, the Chinese didn't know he wasn't ready to see someone leaves first, he didn't think he's going to see them going first. He lets the older choked out all the sobs. Jaemin burries his face into Jeno's neck as the older male hugs him tight. 'It'll be over soon' 

 

**One down, five more to go**

 

"I'm ca-cough-calling Mark hyung" the maknaes immediately looked terrified, they were about to say something when Jeno smiled. "He, of all hyungs, should at least get a goodbye from some of us" Jaemin had a hand around Jeno and uneasily glances at the three maknaes. "It'll be okay, he won't know" Jisung's stare soften a bit "I hope so"

 

They huddled up together to squeeze themselves into Jeamin's phone small camera. It was picked up after the first ring, _"Yes Nana? Is something wrong?? Everything alright there?"_ They each cringe at the question, but it was nice to see their former leader again. Mark looked really tired, but he smiled brightly when he saw his dreamies called but can't help but feel concern at how awful they looked.

 

 "N-no nothing is wrong. Just that Renjun got the flu and spread it to all of us. We're o-cough-okay tho" Jaemin says, "Hi h-caugh-hyung" Chenle chirps, Jisung only waved. _"Hi Lele, you kids doing okay?"_ Mark feels like an idiot the next second, after everything, even he knew they were far from okay.

 

 _"Ahh you kids, I left and you got each other sick? Please rest well"_ Jeno could laugh at that,they'll rest well alright. _"Why the call? Do you need a hyung over? We're at the company building now so maybe not now but later?"_ Chenle and Jisung laughs, but its sounded dreadful with the choking and coughing. _"Woah that sounds bad, are you guys really okay?"_ He kept asking that stupid question and it doesn't makes it any easier for them.

 

"Yes hyung!" They cheer, "Sorry couldn't make it till pr-practice Markie." Haechan breathes out, it was so difficult to talk. _"You're sick!! I'll personally send you back if you dare show up!"_ His face cringing as he tries to keep himself from bawling, how is he doing this? How can he do this to him? He's literally letting himself to his grave with his best friend, brother, soulmate, his other half on the other side of the line, Mark's eyes lovingly staring at him like he was the most precious treasure to him. 

 

Maybe it's better if he's dead, he's hurting Mark so much.

 

 _"Where's Renjun?"_ Chenle pulls away and out of the frame to bite down on his hand to muffle his tears, Jeno pats his back. "Asleep, he's tired" there was a hum from the other side. "Mark hyung.....do you miss us?" Jisung asks, his voice slightly wavering while hugging Haechan tightly. _"Of course, I'm trying to visit as much as I could"_ he nods although he knew Mark couldn't see him because Jaemin switched the call to just voice.

 

The youngest hums while his body shakes, tears were pouring out again. "Oh Haechan hyung fell asleep! Silly hyung" he exclaims as the body that went limp in his arms grew colder. It was strange and horrifying because he knew exactly when Haechan stopped breathing, the exact second he could no longer feel that faint beat of his heart. 

 

Is this what Chenle had felt? Because holy shit, it's terrifying as heck. 

 

He burries his face into Haechan's hair, sniffling away quiet sobs. Jeno and Jaemin almost forgotten Mark was there, the younger of the two staring blankly at his maknae. He was sad, wrapped up tightly in pure despair but he didn't mind. He didn't mind that his brother left so soon, Haechan went through enough shit for him to be deserving of staying here any longer. 

 

**Two down, four more to go.**

 

 _"Wah really? Make sure he's comfortable though, he hasn't been himself these days and I'm worried"_ Mark's voice kept vibrating out of the device ever so obliviously like a fool. Jisung moves so that Haechan rests exactly on his chest with an arm around his thin skeleton waist, his hyung isn't there anymore but he'll deceive himself one last time. 

 

"Yes hyung" 

 

Only for Chenle to come colliding him and fell next to him with a thud. The Chinese boy reamains unmoving, signs of life no longer there, but from where Jeno is, he sees a small smile on the younger's features. _"What was that?"_ Mark asks, sounding very concerned. "Nothing, Chenle-caugh-was so tired he fell-caugh- asleep on Jeno's shoulder but he slipped off just-caugh-now. I'm surprised-caugh- he's still asleep"

 

Chenle had been quiet, his emotions were all over the place and it soon consumed his body, and before he knows it, he wasn't breathing anymore. But he was happy, not as happy as the person he was before but definitely happier than he's been for the past few weeks. 

 

Jaemin made sure Chenle was placed next to Renjun, the younger's body snuggled next to the older Chinese. Jeamin sobs, oh how nostalgic it looked. Yet, his thoughts are unable to process, who's next? Or more importantly who's last?

 

**Three down, three more to go**

 

 _"That's bad, I didn't know you guys were being overworked. Is this what it's all about? I'll talk to your managers if you want"_ at even the mention of those monsters. Jisung flinched and shudders, his shaking turning into a wild tremble. "No need" he whispers out but his eyes could only focused on the red sticky liquid dripping down Jaemin's nose. 

 

Jaemin with his shaking fingers touched his lips, and sees red coating his fingers. He's next, he's definitely next. How odd is it that the poison doesn't kill them off all at once but rather like this, one soul at a time. 

 

Or maybe not

 

"M-Mark....." Jaemin breathes out, it came out like a gag, where's the air? Why is it so hard to breathe? Hia head is spinning and all he could think of is going to sleep, he was tired anyway. He finds himself gripping onto Haechan's cold arms trying to steady himself. _"Jaemin?! Jaemin is that you?! Okay, what the fuck is going there?"_ There was shouting on the other line which followed by a chorus of footsteps. _"Jaemin!?! Jisung?! Jeno?!! Answer me!!?"_

 

"I'm s-sor-caugh-sorry, tha-nk yo-you Mark......for-every...thi..." Jaemin feels his last tears spilling, through his blurry vision, Jeno looks like he's being strangled by thin air. "M-min.....M-ma-MARK!!" The rapper cried, the poison had won. _"Jeno?!! Jeno this ain't funny!! What's happening?!?! Hyungs FASTER!!"_ Mark kept shouting through the phone. 

 

"H-hyung......s-save us....ple......-ase" but it was too late. 

 

Jeno feels his world fading just after a gentle hand grabs his, Jaemin's loving gaze being the last sight he saw beofre his eyelids were closed forever. He had swayed and collapse near the Chinese boys, while Jaemin too was still trying to hold on. _"Jeno?! Jeno what do you mean?!? Jeno?!? STAY WITH ME!!"_

 

 All the while, Jisung watched with a feeling that's undesirable, the ache in his chest rivals to that of the pain of dying. _"Jaemin?!?! Jisung!?! You two still there?! Talk to me please!!! Say something!!!"_ And it hurts even more with Mark's begging and pleas, the leader's desperate cries ringing loudly in his ears. 

 

"Sun-gie....." was Jaemin's last word and the bigger male falls next to him. Without contex, it only looked like they were having a slumber party in the living room. Jisung can't say he has much left in him either, his own breath starting to rig. "H-hyung......"

 

**Five down, one more left**

 

Hard thumping footsteps was heard with continuous shoutings and crying on the other side. _"Sungie?! Thank god, wait for hyung please, we're almost there!! Listen to me Sungie, whatever is happening don't put down the phone"_ he was listening, but he wasn't trying to decipher what Mark was saying. More like savouring a few last seconds of his hyung's voice. 

 

"We're-caugh- sor-sorry hyung.......for-give.....us......fo-for this.....-caugh- Thank y-you.....for every-thing. D-don't come-caugh- af-ter us" he cried as he utter his last words, Mark turned hysterical on the other side, screamjng on top of his lungs for Jisung to stop. 

 

 **"We-choke-....l-love.....you.....hyu.....good.....b-bye....."**  

 

And the phone dropped from the palms of his hands, he feels the dizziness consume him as his breath was knocked out of his lungs. He finds himself laying with Haechan on top of him and Jaemin next to him, Jeno next to Jaemin and the two chinese vocalists. It felt weird, and scary and reliving all the same. But he gets it now, how good it feels, he's not in pain anymore.

 

And six innocent dreamies, broken and used, left the world while nobody knew.

 

When he got the call, he was worried, when some one them starts to 'fall asleep' he was suspicious, when the caughing became violent he was alerted. But the moment there wa snothing but purely sounds of choking and muffled sobbing was when he had the rest of the group who were there with him rushing out to the dorms.

 

Something wasn't alright, something horrible ia happening and he didn't like what they were saying, he didn't like how it sounded like a farewell. "JISUNG!!!" He bangs on the door, but it won't budge, he trashed ans slams his body. "PARK JISUNG OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!! RENJUN!!! JENO!! NA JAEMIN!! CHENLE!!! HAECHAN!!!" 

 

He banged and screams, why wouldn't it open? "MARK!! Move over!!" Dooyoung and Taryong pulls him to the side and lets Jaehyun and Johnny ram into the door. It cracked opened, but they could see the chains that bind the doors. "What the fuck?!" Jaehyun exclaims. 

 

When the door creaked open, the were greeted by a sickening scent of........oh no, no no no no!! The two couldn't hold back Mark from jumping to help. They were able to bust it open after a couple more tries and Mark prays although its obvious that it's too fucking late. The door falls open with dust and carbon monoxide mixing in the air. 

 

They sprint inside only to a sight that made Mark froze and dropped onto his knees. "Open the windows!!" Taeyong ordered, Yita and Taeil complied but the rest can only stare at the scene with a broken gasp leaving their lips. "No....." sicheng all but crawls over to his precious little brothers, his fingers hesitantly touching Renjun's cheeks and Chenle's forehead. 

 

He burst out crying, pulling the two into his arms as ge sobs out, the coldness of their souless vessels not affecting him. Johnny and stumbles back till he was backed against a wall. What the fuck?! What?! Why?! How?! He clasp a hand over his eyes, but could not muffle his crying. They were so young, so much more to look forward to in life. 

 

Dooyoung was the first to speak but his voice came out like a robot "They're dead......." It was sickeningly dreadful because the dreamies are all dressed up and in piles of pillows and plushies with a show from 2 years ago playing. Why? Why them? He places a hand on Jeno's chest, his heart breaking more and more when there's no familiar beating. 

 

Jungwoo cried while clinging onto Taeil, the eldest had scooped up Jisung and hugged him, keeping him warm because he remembered Jisung gets cold easily. _Had the world been too cold that you left Sungie? That you chose to leave and we'll never see you again or watch you dance or how you'll grow up one day to be a great star onstage? Had we failed to keep you warm enough so that you'll stay?_

 

Taeyong is lost of words, his voice unable to come out. His eyes waver and shake, is this really reality? He must be dreaming? But he's not, he knows that when he cradles Jaemin's head and all he felt was an icy cold body of what he once was. This can't be real, he cannot accept this. What did he missed? Or rather, what did he ignored? Why didn't he try harder?

 

Yuta hugged Winwin but he can't seem to accept it as well, things like this don't happen in real life. They only exist in movies and fiction but his brothers are there, laid together but no breathing. "I should've s-said something" Sicheng mumbles between his cries, "I c-could've stopped th-this.....why didn't I s-say anything?!" 

 

And for once, Yuta wants to blame Winwin as well. 

 

It was Jaehyun who founded the letters, neatly stacked on the table. But decides he nor the others don't have the mentality to deal with that now. He does one for the team and dials all the managers, but when they asked why he can't get the words out. It felt wrong, too fucking wrong. "Dre-Dremies.....the-they're" _dead dead dead_ , the dreamies are dead. "Just please come!!"

 

Mark? Mark took it the worst. They...they were just talking minutes ago, exchanging news and chatting. Chenle was giggling, Jeno and Jaemin were wearing grins, Haechan and Jisung cuddling. How had it escalated so badly? How much did he failed as friend,a leader and a brother?

 

He slams himself to the floor, his teeth clenched and fist balled into the floor. He failed them, he makes way for Donghyuck. And a thought struck him, Donghyuck died while he was calling him, Jisung had said he fell 'asleep'. He had a hold on Donghyuck and he wasn't letting go.

 

An hour later, ambulnaces came and take them away. They had to manhandle Sicheng, Mark and Taeil to let go of the dreamies. Sicheng and Mark begging on their knees for them to not take away their brothers. "Guys......" they all crowded the waiting room, the non 127 members had just arrived after getting the news. 

 

Jaehyun hands each one of them seven different coloured envelopes. But none of them were ready to read that, not when it's so soon, so early. And it's like the whole world and the universe seems to know what tragedy had struck, the rain kept pouring as if it mourns for the loss of 6 brilliant minds. No one said a word, they only share tears. 

 

And still they ask themselves, why? Why them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not quite the end yet.......😊


	13. Day 48

They scattered all over the waiting room, they didn't know why investigation was needed when it's pretty obvious what happened with the sealed windows and burning charcoal in the kitchen. WayV arrived moments ago, Kun and Ten broke down in hysterical cries seeing the younger ones behind the screen window covered in white from head to toe.

 

The bodies were kept at the hospital before the burial which will be held in 3 days after SM comes up with something to somehow cover up this story. The atmosphere was horrid, nobody talked or even spare a gpance at one another, their thoughts burried deep in sadnees and guilt. 

 

The other Chinese members wept as well although they never actually personally met the boys. But to see their calm leader crumble like dust was heartbreaking to watch. They heard what happened, what did those young boys did, Yangyang had shuddered at it, most of them were his age. One moment he was only the maknae of the 00 liners, now he's the maknae of overall NCT.

 

Mark was taken to question since he was the last to be with them. The call had been recorded in his phone and he had to go through the dread all over again because some people refuse to just take what they could observe. He sat and let the memory plays again, and he couldn't stop crying when he heard their voices again.  

 

"Silly Haechan hyung, he fell asleep" he hears Jisung's voice saying it and stopped the recording. "I...I can't....I can't...." every decible of it was torturing him. He was taken away by Johnny and one look from the American-korean, they knew they should just leave matters as it is. 

 

Johnny holds onto Mark, the rapper clung to him as if his life depended on it. Jungwoo and Dooyoung manage to get the authorities to let them stay, even if they had to be in the corridors. None of them wanted to leave, they left the dreamies on their own once and they're not going to repeat the same mistake. 

 

But amongst the sorrows there was anger and spite, Yuta, Jaehyun and suprisingly Taeil were fuming. They felt that there was more to the reason the boys had done this. And any theory could only sum down to one possibility, someone was hurting them, very badly. Things like this don't happen for no reason.

 

The letters in their hands most likely held he answers, but hey were terified. Opening it would mean they accepted their departure, and they are most definitely not ready to admit that. Maybe someday, but not now. "Can one of you come? There's a matter that's needed to discuss" Hyulsik, one of the Dream manager that SM kept, he was in charge of NCT 127 along with their current two manager. The other two Dream managers were sent to different departments.

 

Taeyong was about to go until Dooyoung insist he went. They had to discuss about the funeral and regarding the small hiatus that they'll be in. "Okay that'll be all" Luna, one of the 127 manager pats his back. "I'm so sorry for you boys" she muttered. Dooyoung said nothing, his weakness is only for his members to see and no one else. So he kept whatever tear from dripping.

 

Donghan, the other one gave him a hug, the two left him with Hyulsik. "They mean that much to all of you?" His monotone voice asks, Dooyoung snaps his head up in shock. "They were everything to us, we're a family.....and....and they're.....we didn't. ...." he bits his lips hard. "Tch, pathetic brats, I see where they get it from. Especially that Ha? Hi? Whatever his name was"

 

Dooyoung could feel his jaw dropped, this man was supposed to be their previous managers. "Serves them right if you ask me" he adds with a snicker. "You.....you caused this....." it clicked in his mind, their manager......no, there were three weren't they? They were being treated badly? Abused? It sounded so crazy but so obvious. The male felt like he was hit with lightning, it was so painfully obvious!

 

The way Haechan would take his time leaving they practice room, or how they looked like they had too realistic nightmares each time their names were called by their managers. How they never look comfortable around those three men. The dreamies never wore shorts or short sleeves anymore, were they hiding bruises?

 

Dooyoung would've launch himself at him if it weren't for Hyulsik grabbing him by the neck and pin him with his face to the wall. The vocalist groans in pain when he was pressed hard against the cold solid. "Those brats were admittedly, fun to play with. The blond Chinese one always have the sweetest screams" and that only adds fuel to the burning anger he rash in his frig but to no avail, the other man was stronger. 

 

Screams? It could mean anything but Dooyoung doesn't think he could bare the thought of sweet innocent Chenle being abused. He could've shouted but his mouth was covered by the other's hand. "That other Chinese? Really dumb, think we'll have mercy on him just because he cuts up his own skin. But he was prettier like that, all bruised and cut on his body" it nearly made the vocalist vomit. What the hell did they do to Renjun?!?

 

He feels the man's hand slipping under his shirt and roam wherever he could touch and Dooyoung gasps, his actions vecoming wilder, wanting to be free of the hold. His tears slide down as the man touched him, "Already? Even your so called dongsengs hold up longer, that Jeni-Jeno! Was it? He puts on such a brave face but he's a fool anyway" He screams into the hand. "Jae? I forgot, was probably the most idiotic one of them all. Thinking he could save them"

 

_Taeyong!!! Yuta!!! Johnny!!! ANYONE!!!!_

 

But it was like his world was ripped apart when the man pulls him away and trash him into a nearby closet. His firm grip on him never ceased, "You ANIMAL-" but was quickly covered by a gag of some sort. Hyulsik closes the door and Dooyoung hears a click of the lock. The cramped place was dimly lit and he only prays someone will come and find him. 

 

"You're all pathetic" he pressed Dooyoung against the wall again, this time the idol was facing him. His hands dip into Dooyoung's pants, grabbing him harshly. He screamed and cried, but his energy was slowly slipping away. "Not bad.....you're also kind of pretty......" he kept crying, it only dawns on him what the dreamies were going through. This torture, how can they had let it happened to those innocent boys? They were violated and abused and all they did nothing to intervene? 

 

"But if you asked me, Jisung was the best. A born fuck toy, takes me and the others so well. The only one that i actually felt pity that he had to die, that brat was a true slut" 

 

Dooyoung lost it, the anger that builded up fumed and rage, somehow it fueld him strength to push away the man and shouts out loud on top of his lungs. "GUYS HELP ME!!!" Yuta and Johnny who had gone looking for him since he went for so long heard it loud and clear. They were only a sprint away from said closet. 

 

Hyulsik grabs Dooyoung by the neck and slams him to the floor,he bends down and punches him hard in the gut. The vocalist screams in agony, Hyulsik kept punching and kicking him. "DOOYOUNG!?!?" the two are at the door, banging hard against it. But the other can't reply, his throat ache from screaming as he feels his body went limp.

 

And cried, Dooyoung cried not because of the pain but the thought of dreamies being in his position at the moment. Beaten and battered as if they were toys to be play with. He finds himself losing his consciousness after he door was teared open by someone he couldn't make out through his blurred vision. 


End file.
